Would you like fries with that?

Today the Los Angeles Times food section ran a lovely article about fried foods. Regina Schrambling, the author, tried to elevate the subject matter by focusing on various types of beignets, but the very first sentence of her article undermined her determined efforts by getting to the heart of the matter: "Deep-frying is the bacon of cooking techniques." Were truer words ever written? Last night, Norman and I split an appetizer platter of tortilla chips with artichoke dip, fried potato skins stuffed with cheese and bacon, breaded fried chicken strips, and onion rings, and while my arteries may never forgive me, I consider it money well spent. The only thing that could have made it better would have been to top the whole meal off with a deep-fried Snickers bar; since we weren't dining at the county fair, however, we had to make do with a slice apiece of pecan pie.

The Times article went on to test and rate six different countertop deep fryers. The person who tested them cooked a batch of breaded zucchini strips in each and evaluated their performances. All well and good, but do you think she bothered to include her recipe for deep-fried zucchini? Noooooooo. Deep-fried zucchini, served with a side of bleu cheese dressing, is one of my favorite things in the whole world, and I feel profoundly cheated. Consequently, I have spent much of this evening scouring the net for deep-fried food recipes, including a few oddities, to which I now direct your attention:

DEEP-FRIED
apple pie
artichokes
asparagus
avocados
bacon
beef or pork
cheesecake
chimichanga
chitterlings
chocolate chip cookie dough
chocolate pound cake
cicadas
clams
Coca-Cola
corn fritters
corn on the cob
crab rangoon
dill pickles
duck
eggplant
frog legs
green beans
hushpuppies
lobster
macaroni & cheese
meatballs
mozzarella
mushrooms
okra
olives
onion rings
Oreos
pie
pizza
pretzels
rattlesnake
shrimp
Snickers
squid
strawberries
tofu
tomatoes
turkey
Twinkies
zucchini