I am sitting in the breakroom, my back to the room, eating peanut M&M's and enjoying Steve Almond's new collection of essays. (The one on Vonnegut is really well-written, but the ones on Almond's pubescent sexual misadventures are funnier.) Jan and Cristyn, two of my co-workers, enter the room. As usual, they are talking loudly.
J: Whew, what is that? Is someone eating fish?
C: It sure smells like fish in here!
J: Fish soup? Fish stew? Fish 'n' chips?
C: I dunno! (She leaves the room)
Jan walks around the room, her nose twitching, continuing to comment on the fishy smell. I wish she would shut up. Finally, I give up and confess.
Me: I had tuna casserole for lunch.
J: Oho, it was you!
Me: Yeah, I just said so.
I go over to the sink and start washing my dishes. Cristyn comes back in the room and starts fussing with her lunch, which she is about to shove in the microwave.
C: So what is that fishy smell? It sure stinks in here!
Me (very quietly): I had tuna casserole for lunch.
C (shouting): Hey, Jan! It was her! (Points at me) She ate tuna!
Me (very quietly): Yes, she already knows.
I quickly finish washing my dishes and leave. For some reason, I feel humiliated.
3 comments:
I remember taking a tuna sandwich for lunch once in elementary school. Way too many "what's that smell?" comments and I never took one again. My Dad usually made my lunches and he thought it was healthy. I drew the line at those awful liverwurst sandwiches he made for himself, though.
I brought some pad thai to seminar one day (it was a small room, too) and ate it noisily while everyone worked very hard and obviously not to make eye contact with me. At one point I asked, "Does my lunch stink?" Everyone shuffled nervously. One dude finally stepped up. "I've...smelled worse," was all he said.
Why not just say loudly:
"I had tuna. What's your excuse?"
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