I'm not a huge Scott ("Dilbert") Adams fan, but today I came across an amusing recent column of his in which he invited readers to share some of their more inventive cuss words or phrases. I myself am not a creative cusser, sticking mainly to your more familiar 4-letter words, so I got a kick out of phrases like "Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em right in the ear," "Hotter'n dammit," "Sarcastibitch!" and "Mammy-jammer." I appreciated the person who wrote, "When things get chaotic, I refer to them as either a 'Bavarian Clusterfuck' or a 'Mongolian Clusterfuck.' I do not know what the difference is between the two, it's instinctive." One reader even boiled his preferred type of swearing down into a simple formula: "[Flavor word (optional, and variable)][deity] in a [vehicle]!" I love the idea of exclaiming, "Sweet Buddha in a biplane!" I'll probably just never do it. The moment for such an outburst can't be predicted, and I'm less likely to have that phrase within easy reach than a simple, unadorned, "Dammit!"
A few years ago I got into the practice of "shuck swearing," that is, trying to come up with innocuous sound-alikes for your typical swears. I took to saying "Criminently!" and "Drat!" It didn't stick, though; there's something unsatisfying about exclaiming something rude and having people look at you with confusion rather than shock or disdain. I have retained the use of "Holy crap," however. "Holy crap!" feels way funnier than "Holy shit!"
As James Lipton likes to ask his guests on Inside the Actors Studio: What is your favorite curse word?
4 comments:
I have liked saying "For fuck's sake" ever since Stephen Rea said it toward the end of The Crying Game. It helps to say it with an Irish brogue and to add someone's name at the end. Try it!
While I love "fuck" beyond reason, the swears that immediately burst forth from my lips when something is fucked are either "Christ!" or "Son of a bitch!" I also love "godfuckingdammit."
I've been partial to "jackhole" for some time now. Of course, "jackass" is a classic but "jackhole" can confuse for a moment and that's always a good time.
That being said, I lean on "fuck" far too often and am trying to break the habit. I've been forced to resort to "fricken" but I'm actively seeking a more amusing alternative. Let me know if you hear of one.
I tend to say "Fuck me blind!" when I'm frustrated at something. Heehee It looks so silly when you write it out!
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