Before & after

Have I ever mentioned how much I like before and after pictures? It really doesn't matter what it is -- a house remodel, plastic surgery, relandscaping, a new hairdo -- I love to compare the old with the new. Usually the new version really is the improved version.

But sometimes things go awry.

Take, for instance, the house I grew up in.

Nothing too spectacular -- an ordinary, if very large, ranch house in a pleasant neighborhood. You can't tell from this photo, but our house had five bedrooms and five bathrooms, a huge family room, two fireplaces, and lots of built-in storage. My closet was so big that it actually had its own mini-closet appended to its far end, as if it were a room unto itself. All in all, about 5000 square feet of living space, plenty, you'd think, for a good-sized suburban family.

If that's what you thought, you'd be wrong.

This is what is currently occupying the spot where my childhood home once stood. In its favor, I will say that so many other houses in the neighborhood have been replaced by McMansions that its hideousness doesn't exactly draw attention to itself. (The house next door, for instance, is quite possibly the most godawful, tacky dwelling I have ever seen.) But two things really drive me insane. First of all, that house has got to have doubled in size, and really, what kind of freakish family needs 10,000 square feet of home? Second, please note that the pedestrian-friendly sidewalk my parents had installed is gone and that a huge fence (whose gate apparently defaults to the closed position) has been erected. It's like the current owners have barricaded themselves inside their tower and are actively repelling visitors. It makes me sad.